- I see nobody on the road, - said Alice.
- I only wish _I_ had such eyes, - the King remarked in a fretful
tone. - To be able to see Nobody! And at that distance, too! Why, it's as
much as _I_ can do to see real people, by this light!
All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking intently along the
road, shading her eyes with one hand. - I see somebody now! - she
exclaimed at last. - But he's coming very slowly - and what curious
attitudes he goes into! - (For the messenger kept skipping up and down,
and wriggling like an eel, as he came along, with his great hands spread
out like fans on each side.)
- Not at all, - said the King. - He's an Anglo-Saxon Messenger - and
those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he's happy. His
name ia Haigha. - (He pronounced it so as to rhyme with - mayor.
- I love my love with an H, - Alice couldn't help beginning, -
because he is Happy. I hate him with an H, because he is Hideous. I fed
him with - with - with Ham-sandwiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and he
lives
- He lives on the Hill, - the King remarked simply, without the least
idea that he was joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for
the name of a town beginning with H. - The other Messenger's called Hatta.
I must have TWO, you know - to come and go. Once to come, and one to go.
- I beg your pardon? - said Alice.
- It isn't respectable to beg, - said the King.
- I only meant that I didn't understand, - said Alice. - Why one to
come and one to go?
- Don't I tell you? - the King repeated impatiently. - I must have
Two - to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.
At this moment the Messenger arrived: he was far too much out of
breath to say a word, and could only wave his hands about, and make the
most fearful faces at the poor King.
- This young lady loves you with an H, - the King said, introducing
Alice in the hope of turning off the Messenger's attention from himself -
but it was no use - the Anglo-Saxon attitudes only got more extraordinary
every moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side.
- You alarm me! - said the King. - I feel faint - Give me a ham
sandwich!
On which the Messenger, to Alice's great amusement, opened a bag that
hung round his neck, and handed a sandwich to the King, who devoured it
greedily.
- Another sandwich! - said the King.
- There's nothing but hay left now, - the Messenger said, peeping
into the bag.
- Hay, then, - the King murmured in a faint whisper. Alice was glad
to see that it revived him a good deal. - There's
nothing like eating hay when you're faint, - he remarked to her, as he
munched away.
- I should think throwing cold water over you would be better, Alice
suggested: - or some sal-volatile.
- I didn't say there was nothing BETTER, - the King replied. - I said
there was nothing LIKE it. - Which alice did not venture to deny.
- Who did you pass on the road? - the King went on, holding out his
hand to the Messenger for some more hay.
- Nobody, - said the Messenger.
- Quite right, - said the King: - this young lady saw him too. So of
course Nobody walks slower than you.
- I do my best, - the Messenger said in a sulky tone. - I'm sure
nobody walks much faster than I do!
- He can't do that, - said the King, - or else he'd have been here
first. However, now you've got your breath, you may tell us what's
happened in the town.
- I'll whisper it, - said the Messenger, putting his hands to his
mouth in the shape of a trumpet, and stooping so as to get close to the
King's ear. Alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to hear the news too.
However, instead of whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his voice
- They're at it again!
- Do you call THAT a whisper? - cried the poor King, jumping up and
shaking himself. - If you do such a thing again, I'll have you buttered!
It went through and through my head like an earthquake!
- It would have to be a very tiny earthquake! - thought Alice. - Who
are at it again? - she ventured to ask.
- Why the Lion and the Unicorn, of course, - said the King.
- Fighting for the crown?
- Yes, to be sure, - said the King: - and the best of the joke is,
that it's MY crown all the while! Let's run and see them. - And they
trotted off, Alice repeating to herself, as she ran, the words of the old
song:

- The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown:
The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town.
Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town.

- Does - the one - that wins - get the crown? - she asked, as well as
she could, for the run was putting her quite out of breath.
- Dear me, no! - said the King. - What an idea!
- Would you - be good enough, - Alice panted out, after running a
little further, - to stop a minute - just to get - one's breath again?
- I'm GOOD enough, - the King said, - only I'm not strong enough. You
see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick. You might as well try to stop a
Bandersnatch!
Alice had no more breath for talking, so the trotted on in silence,
till they came in sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which the Lion
and Unicorn were fighting. They were in such a cloud of dust, that at
first Alice could not make out which was which: but she soon managed to
distinguish the Unicorn by his horn.
They placed themselves close to where Hatta, the other messenger, was
standing watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a piece of
bread-and-butter in the other.
- He's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his tea when
he was sent in, - Haigha whispered to Alice: - and they only give them
oyster-shells in there - so you see he's very hungry and thirsty. How are
you, dear child? - he went on, putting his arm affectionately round
Hatta's neck.
Hatta looked round and nodded, and went on with his bread and butter.
- Were you happy in prison, dear child? - said Haigha.
Hatta looked round once more, and this time a tear or two trickled
down his cheek: but not a word would he say.
- Speak, can't you! - Haigha cried impatiently. But Hatta only
munched away, and drank some more tea.
- Speak, won't you! - cried the King. 'How are they getting on with
the fight?
Hatta made a desperate effort, and swallowed a large piece of
bread-and-butter. - They're getting on very well, - he said in a choking
voice: - each of them has been down about eighty-seven times.
- Then I suppose they'll soon bring the white bread and the brown?
Alice ventured to remark.
- It's waiting for 'em now, - said Hatta: - this is a bit of it as
I'm eating.
There was a pause in the fight just then, and the Lion and the
Unicorn sat down, panting, while the King called out - Ten minutes allowed
for refreshments! - Haigha and Hatta set to work at once, carrying rough
trays of white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to taste, but it was
VERY dry.
- I don't think they'll fight any more to-day, - the King said to
Hatta: - go and order the drums to begin. - And Hatta went bounding away
like a grasshopper.
For a minute or two Alice stood silent, watching him. Suddenly she
brightened up. - Look, look! - she cried, pointing eagerly. "There's the
White Queen running across the country! She came flying out of the wood
over yonder - How fast those Queens CAN run!
- There's some enemy after, her no doubt, - the King said, without
even looking round. - That wood's full of them.
- But aren't you going to run and help her? - Alice asked, very much
surprised at his taking it so quietly.
- No use, no use! - said the King. - She runs so fearfully quick. You
might as well try to catch a Bandersnatch! But I'll make a memorandum
about her, if you like - She's a dear good creature, - he repeated softly
to himself, as he opened his memorandum-book. - Do you spell "creature"
with a double "e"?
At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by them, with his hands in his
pockets. - I had the best of it this time? - he said to the King, just
glancing at him as he passed.
- A little - a little, - the King replied, rather nervously. - You
shouldn't have run him through with your horn, you know.
- It didn't hurt him, - the Unicorn said carelessly, and he was going
on, when his eye happened to fall upon Alice: he turned round rather
instantly, and stood for some time looking at her with an air of the
deepest disgust.
- What - is - this? - he said at last.
- This is a child! - Haigha replied eagerly, coming in front of Alice
to introduce her, and spreading out both his hands towards her in an
Anglo-Saxon attitude. - We only found it to-day. It's as large as life,
and twice as natural!
- I always thought they were fabulous monsters! - said the Unicorn. -
Is at alive?
- It can talk, - said Haigha, solemnly. The Unicorn looked dreamily
at Alice, and said - Talk, child. Alice could not help her lips curing up
into a smile as she began: -
Do you know, I always thought Unicorns were fabulous monsters, too! I
never saw one alive before!
- Well, now that we HAVE seen each other, - said the Unicorn, - if
you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you. Is that a bargain?
- Yes, if you like, - said Alice.
- Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man! - the Unicorn went on,
turning from her to the King. - None of your brown bread for me!
- Certainly - certainly! - the King muttered, and beckoned to Haigha.
- Open the bag! - he whispered. - Quick! Not that one -that's full of hay!
Haigha took a large cake out of the bag, and gave it to Alice to hold,
while he got out a dish and carving-knife. How they all came out of it
Alice couldn't guess. It was just like a conjuring-trick, she thought.
The Lion had joined them while this was going on: he looked very
tired and sleepy, and his eyes were half shut. - What's this! - he said,
blinking lazily at Alice, and speaking in a deep hollow tone that sounded
like the tolling of a great bell.
- Ah, what IS it, now? - the Unicorn cried eagerly. - You'll never
guess! _I_ couldn't.
The Lion looked at Alice wearily. - Are you animal - vegetable or
mineral? - he said, yawning at every other word.
- It's a fabulous monster! - the Unicorn cried out, before Alice
could reply.
- Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster, - the Lion said, lying down
and putting his chin on this paws. - And sit down, both of you, - (to the
King and the Unicorn): - fair play with the cake, you know!
The King was evidently very uncomfortable at laving to sit down
between the two great creatures; but there was no other place for him.
- What a fight we might have for the crown, NOW! - the Unicorn said,
looking slyly up at the crown, which the poor King was nearly shaking off
his head, he trembled so much.
- I should win easy, - said the Lion.
- I'm not so sure of that, - said the Unicorn.
- Why, I beat you all round the town, you chicken! - the Lion replied
angrily, half getting up as he spoke.
Here the King interrupted, to prevent the quarrel going on: he was
very nervous, and his voice quite quivered. - All round the town? - he
said. - That's a good long way. Did you go by the old bridge, or the
market-place? You get the best view by the old bridge.
- I'm sure I don't know, - the Lion growled out as he lay down again.
- There was too much dust to see anything. What a time the Monster is,
cutting up that cake!
Alice had seated herself on the bank of a little brook, with the
great dish on her knees, and was sawing away diligently with the knife. -
It's very provoking! - she said, in reply to the Lion (she was getting
quite used to being called - the Monster'). - I've cut several slices
already, but they always join on again!
- You don't know how to manage Looking-glass cakes, - the Unicorn
remarked. - Hand it round first, and cut it afterwards.
This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obediently got up, and carried
the dish round, and the cake divided itself into three pieces as she did
so. - NOW cut it up, - said the Lion, as she returned to her place with
the empty dish.
- I say, this isn't fair! - cried the Unicorn, as Alice sat with the
knife in her hand, very much puzzled how to begin. - The Monster has given
the Lion twice as much as me!
- She's kept none for herself, anyhow, - said the Lion. - Do you like
plum-cake, Monster?
But before Alice could answer him, the drums began.
Where the noise came from, she couldn't make out: the air seemed full
of it, and it rang through and through her head till she felt quite
deafened. She started to her feet and sprang across the little brook in
her terror,

* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *

and had just time to see the Lion and the Unicorn rise to their feet,
with angry looks at being interrupted in their feast, before she dropped
to her knees, and put her hands over her hears, vainly trying to shut out
the dreadful uproar.
- If THAT doesn't "drum them out of town," - she thought to herself,
'nothing ever will!



CHAPTER VIII

- It's my own Invention

After a while the noise seemed gradually to die away, till all was
dead silence, and Alice lifted up her head in some alarm. There was no one
to be seen, and her first thought was that she must have been dreaming
about the Lion and the Unicorn and those still lying at her feet, on which
she had tried to cut the plumcake, - So I wasn't dreaming, after all, -
she said to herself, - unless - unless we're all part of the same dream.
Only I do hope it's MY dream, and not the Red King's! I don't like
belonging to another person's dream, - she went on in a rather complaining
tone: - I've a great mind to go and wake him, and see what happens!
At this moment her thoughts were interrupted by a loud shouting of -
Ahoy! Ahoy! Check! and a Knight dressed in crimson armour, came galloping
down upon her, brandishing a great club. Just as he reached her, the horse
stopped suddenly: - You're my prisoner! - the Knight cried, as he tumbled
off his horse.
Startled as she was, Alice was more frightened for him than for
herself at the moment, and watched him with some anxiety as he mounted
again. As soon as he was comfortably in the saddle, he began once more -
You're my - but here another voice broke in - Ahoy! Ahoy! Check! - and
Alice looked round in some surprise for the new enemy.
This time it was a White Knight. He drew up at Alice's side, and
tumbled off his horse just as the Red Knight had done: then he got on
again, and the two Knights sat and looked at each other for some time
without speaking. Alice looked from one to the other in some bewilderment.
- She's MY prisoner, you know! - the Red Knight said at last.
- Yes, but then _I_ came and rescued her! - the White Knight replied.
- Well, we must fight for her, then, - said the Red Knight, as he
took up his helmet (which hung from the saddle, and was something the
shape of a horse's head, and put it on.
- You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course? - the White Knight
remarked, putting on his helmet too.
- I always do, - said the Red Knight, and they began banging away at
each other with such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be out of the
way of the blows.
- I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are, - she said to herself,
as she watched the fight, timidly peeping out from her hiding-place: - one
Rule seems to be, that if one Knight hits the other, he knocks him off his
horse, and if he misses, he tumbles off himself - and another Rule seems
to be that they hold their clubs with their arms, as if they were Punch
and Judy - What a noise they make when they tumble! Just like a whole set
of fireirons falling into the fender! And how quiet the horses are! They
let them get on and off them just as if they were tables!
Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not noticed, seemed to be that
they always fell on their heads, and the battle ended with their both
falling off in this way, side by side: when they got up again, they shook
hands, and then the Red Knight mounted and galloped off.
- It was a glorious victory, wasn't it? - said the White Knight, as
he came up panting.
- I don't know, - Alice said doubtfully. - I don't want to be
anybody's prisoner. I want to be a Queen.
- So you will, when you've crossed the next brook, - said the White
Knight. - I'll see you safe to the end of the wood - and then I must go
back, you know. That's the end of my move.
- Thank you very much, - said Alice. - May I help you off with your
helmet? - It was evidently more than he could manage by himself; however,
she managed to shake him out of it at last.
- Now one can breathe more easily, - said the Knight, putting back
his shaggy hair with both hands, and turning his gentle face and large
mild eyes to Alice. She thought she had never seen such a strange-looking
soldier in all her life.
He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed to fit him very badly, and
he had a queer-shaped little deal box fastened across his shoulder,
upside-down, and with the lid hanging open. Alice looked at it with great
curiosity.
- I see you're admiring my little box. - the Knight said in a
friendly tone. - It's my own invention - to keep clothes and sandwiches
in. You see I carry it upside-down, so that the rain can't get in.
- But the things can get OUT, - Alice gently remarked. - Do you know
the lid's open?
- I didn't know it, - the Knight said, a shade of vexation passing
over his face. - Then all the things much have fallen out! And the box is
no use without them. - He unfastened it as he spoke, and was just going to
throw it into the bushes, when a sudden though seemed to strike him, and
he hung it carefully on a tree. - Can you guess why I did that? - he said
to Alice.
Alice shook her head. - In hopes some bees my make a nest in it -
then I should get the
honey.
- But you've got a bee-hive - or something like one - fastened to the
saddle, - said Alice.
- Yes, it's a very good bee-hive, - the Knight said in a discontented
tone, - one of the best kind. But not a single bee has come near it yet.
And the other thing is a mouse-trap. I suppose the mice keep the bees out
- or the bees keep the mice out, I don't know which.
- I was wondering what the mouse-trap was for, - said Alice. - It
isn't very likely there would be any mice on the horse's back.
- Not very likely, perhaps, - said the Knight: - but if they DO come,
I don't choose to have them running all about.
- You see, - he went on after a pause, - it's as well to be provided
for EVERYTHING. That's the reason the horse has all those anklets round
his feet.
- But what are they for? - Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
- To guard against the bites of sharks, - the Knight replied. - It's
an invention of my own. And now help me on. I'll go with you to the end of
the wood - What's the dish for?
- It's meant for plum-cake, - said Alice.
- We'd better take it with us, the Knight said. - It'll some in handy
if we find any plum-cake. Help me to get it into this bag.
This took a very long time to manage, though Alice held the bag open
very carefully, because the Knight was so VERY awkward in putting in the
dish: the first two or three times that he tried he fell in himself
instead. - It's rather a tight fit, you see, - he said, as they got it in
a last; - There are so many candlesticks in the bag. - And he hung it to
the saddle, which was already loaded with bunches of carrots, and
fire-irons, and many other things.
- I hope you've got your hair well fastened on? - he continued, as
they set off.
- Only in the usual way, - alice said, smiling.
- That's hardly enough, - he said, anxiously. - You see the wind is
so VERY strong here. It's as strong as soup.
- Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blown off?
- Alice enquired.
- Not yet, - said the Knight. - But I've got a plan for keeping it
from FALLING off.
- I should like to hear it, very much.
- First you take an upright stick, - said the Knight. - Then you make
your hair creep up it, like a fruit-tree. Now the reason hair falls off is
because it hangs DOWN - things never fall UPWARDS, you know. It's a plan
of my own invention. You may try it if you like.
It didn't sound a comfortable plan, Alice thought, and for a few
minutes she walked on in silence, puzzling over the idea, and every now
and then stopping to help the poor Knight, who certainly was NOT a good
rider.
Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), he fell off in
front; and whenever it went on again (which it generally did rather
suddenly), he fell off behind. Otherwise he kept on pretty well, except
that he had a habit of now and then falling off sideways;
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