- I should like to buy an egg, please, - she said timidly. - How do
you sell them?
- Fivepence farthing for one - Twopence for two, - the Sheep replied.
- Then two are cheaper than one? - Alice said in a surprised tone,
taking out her purse.
- Only you MUST eat them both, if you buy two, - said the Sheep.
- Then I'll have ONE, please, - said Alice, as she put the money down
on the counter. For she thought to herself, - They mightn't be at all
nice, you know.
The Sheep took the money, and put it away in a box: then she said - I
never put things into people's hands - that would never do - you must get
it for yourself. - And so saying, she went off to the other end of the
shop, and set the egg upright on a shelf.
- I wonder WHY it wouldn't do? - thought Alice, as she groped her way
among the tables and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards the end. -
The egg seems to get further away the more I walk towards it. Let me see,
is this a chair? Why, it's got branches, I declare! How very odd to find
trees growing here! And actually here's a little brook! Well, this is the
very queerest shop I ever saw!

* * * * * * *
* * * * * *
* * * * * * *


So she went on, wondering more and more at every step, as everything
turned into a tree the moment she came up to it, and she quite expected
the egg to do the same.



CHAPTER VI

Humpty Dumpty

However, the egg only got larger and larger, and more and more human:
when she had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes and a
nose and mouth; and when she had come close to it, she saw clearly that it
was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. - It can't be anybody else! - she said to
herself. - I'm as certain of it, as if his name were written all over his
face.
It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that enormous
face. Humpty Dumpty was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk, on the
top of a high wall - such a narrow one that Alice quite wondered how he
could keep his balance - and, as his eyes were steadily fixed in the
opposite direction, and he didn't take the least notice of her, she
thought he must be a stuffed figure after all.
- And how exactly like an egg he is! - she said aloud, standing with
her hands ready to catch him, for she was every moment expecting him to
fall.
- It's VERY provoking, - Humpty Dumpty said after a long silence,
looking away from Alice as he spoke, - to be called an egg -VERY!
- I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir, - Alice gently explained. - And
some eggs are very pretty, you know, she added, hoping to turn her remark
into a sort of a compliment.
- Some people, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her as usual,
- have no more sense than a baby!
Alice didn't know what to say to this: it wasn't at all like
conversation, she thought, as he never said anything to HER; in fact, his
last remark was evidently addressed to a tree - so she stood and softly
repeated to herself:

- Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.

- That last line is much too long for the poetry, - she added, almost
out loud, forgetting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her.
- Don't stand there chattering to yourself like that, - Humpty Dumpty
said, looking at her for the first time, - but tell me your name and your
business.
- My NAME is Alice, but
- It's a stupid name enough! - Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently.
- What does it mean?
- MUST a name mean something? - Alice asked doubtfully.
- Of course it must, - Humpty Dumpty said with a sort laugh: - MY
name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a
name like your, you might be any shape, almost.
- Why do you sit out here all alone? - said Alice, not wishing to
begin an argument.
- Why, because there's nobody with me! - cried Humpty Dumpty. - Did
you think I didn't know the answer to THAT? Ask another.
- Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground? - Alice went on,
not with any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-natured
anxiety for the queer creature. - That wall is so VERY narrow!
- What tremendously easy riddles you ask! - Humpty Dumpty growled
out. - Of course I don't think so! Why, if ever I DID fall off which
there's no chance of - but IF I did - Here he pursed his lips and looked
so solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help laughing. - IF I did
fall, - he went on, - THE KING HAS PROMISED ME WITH HIS VERY OWN MOUTH -
to - to
- To send all his horses and all his men, - Alice interrupted, rather
unwisely.
- Now I declare that's too bad! - Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking into
a sudden passion. - You've been listening at doors - and behind trees -
and sown chimneys - or you couldn't have known it!
- I haven't, indeed! - Alice said very gently. - It's in a book.
- Ah, well! They may write such things in a BOOK, - Humpty Dumpty
said in a calmer tone. - That's what you call a History of England, that
is. Now, take a good look at me! I'm one that has spoken to a King, _I_
am: mayhap you'll never see such another: and to show you I'm not proud,
you may shake hands with me! - And he grinned almost from ear to ear, as
he leant forwards (and as nearly as possible fell of the wall in doing so)
and offered Alice his hand. She watched him a little anxiously as she took
it. - If he smiled much more, the ends of his mouth might meet behind, -
she thought: - and then I don't know what would happen to his head! I'm
afraid it would come off!
- Yes, all his horses and all his men, - Humpty Dumpty went on. -
They'd pick me up again in a minute, THEY would! However, this
conversation is going on a little too fast: let's go back to the last
remark but one.
- I'm afraid I can't quite remember it, - Alice said very politely.
- In that case we start fresh, - said Humpty Dumpty, - and it's my
turn to choose a subject - ( - He talks about it just as if it was a game!
- thought Alice.) - So here's a question for you. How old did you say you
were?
Alice made a short calculation, and said - Seven years and six
months.
- Wrong! - Humpty Dumpty exclaimed triumphantly. - You never said a
word like it!
- I though you meant "How old ARE you?" - Alice explained.
- If I'd meant that, I'd have said it, - said Humpty Dumpty. Alice
didn't want to begin another argument, so she said nothing. -
Seven years and six months! - Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully.
- An uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked MY advice, I'd have
said "Leave off at seven" - but it's too late now.
- I never ask advice about growing, - Alice said Indignantly.
- Too proud? - the other inquired. Alice felt even more indignant at
this suggestion. - I mean, - she
said, - that one can't help growing older.
- ONE can't, perhaps, - said Humpty Dumpty, - but TWO can. With
proper assistance, you might have left off at seven.
- What a beautiful belt you've got on! - Alice suddenly remarked.
(They had had quite enough of the subject of age, she thought: and if they
really were to take turns in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.) - At
least, - she corrected herself on second thoughts, - a beautiful cravat, I
should have said - no, a belt, I mean - I beg your pardon! - she added in
dismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended, and she began to
wish she hadn't chosen that subject. - If I only knew, - the thought to
herself, 'which was neck and which was waist!
Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though he said nothing for a
minute or two. When he DID speak again, it was in a deep growl.
- It is a - MOST - PROVOKING - thing, - he said at last, - when a
person doesn't know a cravat from a belt!
- I know it's very ignorant of me, - Alice said, in so humble a tone
that Humpty Dumpty relented.
- It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as you say. It's a
present from the White King and Queen. There now!
- Is it really? - said Alice, quite pleased to find that she HAD
chosen a good subject, after all.
- They gave it me, - Humpty Dumpty continued thoughtfully, as he
crossed one knee over the other and clasped his hands round it, - they
gave it me - for an un-birthday present.
- I beg your pardon? - Alice said with a puzzled air.
- I'm not offended, - said Humpty Dumpty.
- I mean, what IS and un-birthday present?
- A present given when it isn't your birthday, of course. Alice
considered a little. - I like birthday presents best, - she
said at last.
- You don't know what you're talking about! - cried Humpty Dumpty. -
How many days are there in a year?
- Three hundred and sixty-five, - said Alice.
- And how many birthdays have you?
- One.
- And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five, what
remains?
- Three hundred and sixty-four, of course. Humpty Dumpty looked
doubtful. - I'd rather see that done on paper,
he said.
Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out her memorandum- book, and
worked the sum for him:

365
1
---
364
---

Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at it carefully. - That seems
to be done right - he began.
- You're holding it upside down! - Alice interrupted.
- To be sure I was! - Humpty Dumpty said gaily, as she turned it
round for him. - I thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying, that
SEEMS to be done right - though I haven't time to look it over thoroughly
just now - and that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents
- Certainly, - said Alice.
- And only ONE for birthday presents, you know. There's glory for
you!
- I don't know what you mean by "glory," - Alice said. Humpty Dumpty
smiled contemptuously. - Of course you don't - till I
tell you. I meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!"
- But "glory" doesn't mean "a nice knock-down argument," - Alice
objected.
- When _I_ use a word, - Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful
tone, - it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.
- The question is, - said Alice, - whether you CAN make words mean so
many different things.
- The question is, - said Humpty Dumpty, - which is to be master
that's all.
Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute Humpty
Dumpty began again. - They've a temper, some of them -particularly verbs,
they're the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs
- however, _I_ can manage the whole of them! Impenetrability! That's what
_I_ say!
- Would you tell me, please, - said Alice - what that means?
- Now you talk like a reasonable child, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking
very much pleased. - I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of
that subject, and it would be just as well if you'd mention what you mean
to do next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here all the rest of your
life.
- That's a great deal to make one word mean, - Alice said in a
thoughtful tone.
- When I make a word do a lot of work like that, - said Humpty
Dumpty, - I always pay it extra.
- Oh! - said Alice. She was too much puzzled to make any other
remark.
- Ah, you should see - em come round me of a Saturday night, - Humpty
Dumpty went on, wagging his head gravely from side to side: - for to get
their wages, you know.
(Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid them with; and so you see I
can't tell YOU.)
- You seem very clever at explaining words, Sir, - said Alice. -
Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?
- Let's hear it, - said Humpty Dumpty. - I can explain all the poems
that were ever invented - and a good many that haven't been invented just
yet.
This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated the first verse:

- Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

- That's enough to begin with, - Humpty Dumpty interrupted: - there
are plenty of hard words there. "BRILLIG" means four o'clock in the
afternoon - the time when you begin BROILING things for dinner.
- That'll do very well, - said Alice: and "SLITHY"?
- Well, "SLITHY" means "lithe and slimy." "Lithe" is the same as
"active." You see it's like a portmanteau - there are two meanings packed
up into one word.
- I see it now, - Alice remarked thoughtfully: - and what are
"TOVES"?
- Well, "TOVES - are something like badgers - they're something like
lizards - and they're something like corkscrews.
- They must be very curious looking creatures.
- They are that, - said Humpty Dumpty: - also they make their nests
under sun-dials - also they live on cheese.
- Andy what's the "GYRE" and to "GIMBLE"?
- To "GYRE" is to go round and round like a gyroscope. To "GIMBLE" is
to make holes like a gimblet.
- And "THE WABE" is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, I suppose? said
Alice, surprised at her own ingenuity.
- Of course it is. It's called "WABE," you know, because it goes a
long way before it, and a long way behind it
- And a long way beyond it on each side, - Alice added.
- Exactly so. Well, then, "MIMSY" is "flimsy and miserable" (there's
another portmanteau for you). And a "BOROGOVE" is a thing shabby-looking
bird with its feathers sticking out all round something like a live mop.
- And then "MOME RATHS"? - said Alice. - I'm afraid I'm giving you a
great deal of trouble.
- Well, a "RATH" is a sort of green pig: but "MOME" I'm not certain
about. I think it's short for "from home" - meaning that they'd lost their
way, you know.
- And what does "OUTGRABE" mean?
- Well, "OUTGRIBING" is something between bellowing and whistling,
with a kind of sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear it done, maybe -
down in the wood yonder - and when you've once heard it you'll be QUITE
content. Who's been repeating all that hard stuff to you?
- I read it in a book, - said Alice. - But I had some poetry repeated
to me, much easier than that, by - Tweedledee, I think it was.
- As to poetry, you know, - said Humpty Dumpty, stretching out one of
his great hands, - _I_ can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it
comes to that
- Oh, it needn't come to that! - Alice hastily said, hoping to keep
him from beginning.
- The piece I'm going to repeat, - he went on without noticing her
remark, - was written entirely for your amusement.
Alice felt that in that case she really OUGHT to listen to it, so she
sat down, and said - Thank you - rather sadly.

- In winter, when the fields are white,
I sing this song for your delight

only I don't sing it, - he added, as an explanation. - I see you
don't, - said Alice. - If you can SEE whether I'm singing or not, you're
sharper eyes
than most. - Humpty Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent.

- In spring, when woods are getting green,
I'll try and tell you what I mean.

- Thank you very much, - said Alice.

- In summer, when the days are long,
Perhaps you'll understand the song:
In autumn, when the leaves are brown,
Take pen and ink, and write it down.

- I will, if I can remember it so long, - said Alice.
- You needn't go on making remarks like that, - Humpty Dumpty said: -
they're not sensible, and they put me out.

- I sent a message to the fish:
I told them "This is what I wish."

The little fishes of the sea,
They sent an answer back to me.

The little fishes - answer was
"We cannot do it, Sir, because - "

- I'm afraid I don't quite understand, - said Alice.
- It gets easier further on, - Humpty Dumpty replied.

- I sent to them again to say
"It will be better to obey."

The fishes answered with a grin,
"Why, what a temper you are in!"

I told them once, I told them twice:
They would not listen to advice.

I took a kettle large and new,
Fit for the deed I had to do.

My heart went hop, my heart went thump;
I filled the kettle at the pump.

Then some one came to me and said,
"The little fishes are in bed."

I said to him, I said it plain,
"Then you must wake them up again."

I said it very loud and clear;
I went and shouted in his ear.

Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this
verse, and Alice thought with a shudder, - I wouldn't have been the
messenger for ANYTHING!

- But he was very stiff and proud;
He said "You needn't shout so loud!"

And he was very proud and stiff;
He said "I'd go and wake them, if - "

I took a corkscrew from the shelf:
I went to wake them up myself.

And when I found the door was locked,
I pulled and pushed and knocked.

And when I found the door was shut,
I tried to turn the handle, but

There was a long pause. - Is that all? - Alice timidly asked. -
That's all, - said Humpty Dumpty. Good-bye.
This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a VERY strong
hint that she ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil to
stay. So she got up, and held out her hand. - Good-bye, till we meet
again! - she said as cheerfully as she could.
- I shouldn't know you again if we DID meet, - Humpty Dumpty replied
in a discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake; - you're
so exactly like other people.
- The face is what one goes by, generally, - Alice remarked in a
thoughtful tone.
- That - s just what I complain of, - said Humpty Dumpty. - Your face
is that same as everybody has - the two eyes, so - (marking their places
in the air with this thumb) - nose in the middle, mouth under. It's always
the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for
instance - or the mouth at the top - that would be SOME help.
- It wouldn't look nice, - Alice objected. But Humpty Dumpty only
shut his eyes and said - Wait till you've tried.
Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but as he never
opened his eyes or took any further notice of her, she said - Good-bye! -
once more, and, getting no answer to this, she quietly walked away: but
she couldn't help saying to herself as she went, - Of all the
unsatisfactory - (she repeated this aloud, as it was a great comfort have
such a long word to say) - of all the unsatisfactory people I EVER met -
She never finished the sentence, for at this moment a heavy crash shook
the forest from end to end.



CHAPTER VII

The Lion and the Unicorn

The next moment soldiers cam running through the wood, at first in
twos and threes, then ten or twenty together, and at last in such crowds
that they seemed to fill the whole forest. Alice got behind a tree, for
fear of being run over, and watched them go by.
She thought that in all her life she had never seen soldiers so
uncertain on their feet: they were always tripping over something or
other, and whenever one went down, several more always fell over him, so
that the ground was soon covered with little heaps of men.
Then came the horses. Having four feet, these managed rather better
than the foot-soldiers: but even THEY stumbled now and then; and it seemed
to be a regular rule that, whenever a horse stumbled the rider fell off
instantly. The confusion got worse every moment, and Alice was very glad
to get out of the wood into an open place, where she found the White King
seated on the ground, busily writing in his memorandum-book.
- I've sent them all! - the Kind cried in a tone of delight, on
seeing Alice. - Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came
through the wood?
- Yes, I did, - said Alice: several thousand, I should think.
- Four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number, - the
King said, referring to his book. - I couldn't send all the horses, you
know, because two of them are wanted in the game. And I haven't sent the
two Messengers, either. They're both gone to the town. Just look along the
road, and tell me if you can see either of them.
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